Let me share with you about squatty toilets.

It’s this porcelain hole-in-the-ground with a marker for each of your feet, so you know how to position yourself for the best aim and comfort.

The first time you squat, feet flat on the floor, underthings clutched far from any possible misfire, this will scare you so much so that nothing will probably come out. You’ll hesitate a bit and think, you should just find another toilet, one that looks like a sane option on which to do your thing.

But at this point, lose yourself. Just let go. Let it all out! You’ll find it liberating, uninhibited; it might even bring you back to your childhood days. No splatters, too (promise!).

That being said, I’d rather not do it again soon.